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1) Let's meet the two rivals, shall we?
Hyde: Edward Hyde. You lovely ladies can call me Ed. Or stud.
Joe: Ugh. You wish the ladies would fall at your charmless feet…
Hyde: At least I let ladies fall at my feet!
2) Why do they dislike/hate each other? When did their feud begin?
Joe: He always annoyed, but when his (admittedly fetching) alter ego stole my queen, I swore them both as my enemies.
Hyde: Hey, we didn’t steal your “queen”! *uses finger quotations* You bloody scared her off!
Joe: She’ll come back around. If I don’t drag her back first…
Hyde: What are you, a fucking caveman?
3) Which one has the most hate?
Joe: I cannot stand this boorish troglodyte.
Hyde: The feeling’s mutual, fishfuck.
4) Make them the opposite of who they are! Have them act as friends or even lovers!
Hyde: Don’t you fucking touch me! I know you want my balls but they’re for the ladies only!
Joe: Don’t flatter yourself, you ape. If you were in the form of the doctor, I’d be down to fuck. Not you.
Hyde: Ugh. For once, I pity poor Beanpole…
5) Have one of them play a prank on the other!
Joe: Oh look, there’s a two-for-one deal at the local whorehouse! Now when he’s distracted, that little slut is mine for the taking…
Hyde: Sweet!! Laura, sweetheart! Cover for me!
Joe: Fucking hell…
6) What would happen if they were locked in a room together for some time?
Joe: MARGARINE! Break the door.
Margarine: *CRASH* Where’s the flapjacks?!
Hyde: *puts away gun* Damn.
7) What could stop them from being enemies? Can't we all just get along?
Joe: He could stop standing in the way of my queen and me!
Hyde: OR you can fuck off back to the sea by yourself. Everyone’s happy.
Joe: Not going to happen.
8) Yeah right, it's time for a battle to the death!
Hyde: No bodyguards allowed.
Joe: Well forget it then.
Hyde: I knew it! *makes chicken noises* FUCKING FISH WUSS!
Joe: *punches him in the face*
Joe: Stay out of this, or you’ll get the same!
Hyde: Oh so he IS capable! *kicks him in the crotch*
Joe: OW YOU FUCKING LITTLE BAG OF SHIT!!
9) Who wins?
Hyde: Obviously me.
Joe: Oh really?
Hyde: You didn’t want to fight because you couldn’t use your bodyguard for muscle. You forfe…forfe….quit! So I win by default!
Joe: If you can’t pronounce it, don’t even try. You look like a fool
Hyde: That’s not fair! I’m dysle…dyslexi…SOMEONE HELP ME OUT HERE!!
Hyde: That’s the one!
10) That wasn't pretty. Let's try something where no one get's hurt. Take your pick: Video games, chess, poker battle or whatever.
Joe: Do you even know how to play chess?
Hyde: I have more important, less nerdier things to do. Drinking contest?
Joe: Hmph. Do you know what leaks into the ocean these days? I can definitely hold my liquor.
Hyde: BRING IT ON.
11) Is there someone both characters admire? If not, then have another character intervening in a fight of theirs or whatever you want.
Hyde: Well duh! He has some delusion that my wifey is his “queen.”
Joe: SHE IS MY QUEEN!!
Me: I’m not your wife, Hyde, and I’m sure as fuck not your queen, Joe!
Joe: You’re going to pay for this, you whore!
Hyde: Yeah, that’s going to have her come running back…
12) Is there anything the rivals have in common?
Joe: Being males and wanting this slut’s cunt, that’s all I can recall.
Hyde: I want a lot of cunts.
Emily: Don’t be so vulgar!
Hyde: He started it!
Emily: I don’t care! I’ll finish it!
Joe: What an insolent moron…
13) Switch roles! Maybe you'll empathize with each other that way! Or... not?
Joe: I don’t think I can dumb myself down enough for that.
Hyde: Yeah. And I’m not enough of a fucking swell-headed twat.
14) That's it, GROUP THERAPY!
Laura: *in lab coat and glasses* Hello, I’m Dr Laura. I’ll be taking your session today.
Joe: …I’ll take the possum back, thank you.
Hyde: Best doctor ever. I need a full body check-up, doctor.
Laura: *throws away clipboard* I’m gone. KELLY!
Kelly: Hi! :3 You guys want to use this turkey baster to shoot acid up my butt??
Hyde: Also gone!
15) Final thoughts, tag someone or whatever.
Hyde: Are your piranha wenches available right now? I still want that full body check-up.
Joe: They’re busy. If you crave an exam so badly, ask the whore. I’ll punish her later, but you can be off the hook this once.
Hyde: You’re…letting me ask my wifey to check me out naked? This lovable rogue smells a rat…
Me: He’s just looking for more excuses to hurt me later. Don’t take the bait.
Hyde: …Good call…though I wasn’t joking when I smelt a rat! *motorboats Roxie’s cleavage*
Roxie: OOO! Well, someone’s happy to see me.
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